On being male.

What defines a man?

Not in the Men vs. Women sense of definition - but rather what makes a man - a Man?

When I talk to my female friends, I get different pictures (some of it may be cultural) on how their men act and how they react and respond to them. I hear over and over the discussion of “manly” characteristics (read physical attributes) and how a man isn’t really a man (at least not for them) with out said physical attribute(s). I see the common stereotype of the stupid father and the smart mother portrayed on sitcoms (wherein the father is really portrayed as nothing more than a scheming child figure). I see the Revenge fantasy played out on screen over and over again. (We won’t even touch on how porn treats men and women.)

Are these the modern example of a man? Is this what we are teaching our children?

In the article that inspired this line of thought (The tone of the article distract from what I see as its primary question, thus me not linking to it) stated:

When the West was Christian, Church and society encouraged men to follow the example of the Son of Man: Endowed with headship yet obedient to higher authorities, a man must use his physical abilities and natural strength and demeanor to provide for and protect his family, his people, laying down his life if necessary. This requires the cultivation of courage, discipline, and honor in boys, which used to be the goal of the education that our churches used to provide.

Today, American culture presents boys with icons of “masculinity,” such as Arnold Schwarzenegger, who glory in sodomizing women while pumping iron in a gym. Ideally, physical strength is to be put into the service of self-gratification, not of protecting and providing for “weaker vessels.” The macho American man is a “selfish hedonist,” who lives fast, plays hard, and beds women at will. Loving a wife, rearing children, and serving others are the least of his concerns.

(emphasis mine)

The article is concerned with Christianity specifically - but I feel that this statement has a broader implication and application. As I said earlier, the male in modern society is increasingly presented as a large child. He is either unwilling or unable to accept the responsibilities of being an adult. He strives to shirk work and responsibility. He schemes to “put one over” on his (usually smarter) female partner.

These are not men as I define the concept.

They are the product of the society that has raised them.

How do you define Male? (With out saying "not female" - that is counterproductive and beside the point.) There are qualities in men and women to be admired. This is not a gender v. gender argument. This is a serious question about what it means to be a man in America today.

Am I to follow the "leadership" of the last two presidents? Is lying acceptable? (Don't focus on the politics of the situations - look at the actions of those involved.) Am I supposed to believe that not listening to advisors (or selectively listening to information presented) is the correct way of running any enterprise (family, business, etc) I may be involved in? Is that what it means to be a man in America?

I have other sources on which to draw my inspirations - but still, what defines a man?

Physical attributes? Roguish characteristics? Abdication of responsibility? A desire to stick his cock in anything that moves?

I think not.

(Although from the proliferation of romance novels I think there may be some idealized elements of the characteristics mentioned above.)

Anyway.

I have my own definition (which is by no means complete). Coupled with part of the definition above -

A man takes responsibility for his actions. He strives to be fair. He leads when necessary. He is willing to defend those he cares for. He stands up for the things he believes in. He is not afraid of emotion, nor is he ruled by it. (Additionally - if married or otherwise involved) A good husband. A good partner. If he has children - He is a good father.

There are things implied in that list that I don't feel need to be spelled out. (For instance a man will listen to council and accept when he is wrong and not forge blindly ahead.)

The issue here (that I'm sure some one will bring up) is that these are qualities that can apply to both genders. I don't see that as a problem. I see the lack of poor male examples and the tacit acceptance (if not approval) of societal attitudes on men as a problem. (Maybe I'm bitter - it is always possible.)

I don't have good solutions. I don't have good answers. I have good questions. I have my standards. I hope between the two that it is enough.


Technorati tags: debate,Gender, politics, Men's Rights, male, Gender Definition