Dispatches from Nowhere 11.15.05
I don't think I'm alone when I say I hate traffic. Nor do I think I a minority of one when I say that I hate commuting. I believe that all of us share a common hate that a 20 minute drive will take an hour and twenty minutes to drive on any weekday morning. Add sunshine, rain, or other weather to the mix and you can watch your gas needle drop. It is mind numbing and rage inducing. I mean - even car-singing doesn’t make it better. (You know what I’m talking about. Everyone does it. It is ok.)
These people drive like teenagers exploring sex for the first time. There are a lot of fumbling, tentative, awkward movements, and lots of accidents, (some one saying "you are on my hair") and everyone is making mistakes. Sometimes it hurts. Someone is getting angry. No one is having any fun. They just want to go faster and get it over with.
That is my morning commute. Everyone is so impatient. There is no finesse to how everyone drives. Everyone is just thinking of themselves. Just a lot of grabbing and twisting, trying to cram large objects into spaces that are just way too small (come to think of it - maybe it isn't so different from adult sex...)
ANYWAY. Back to my analogy.
Instead of having to deal with inexperience and maybe some embarrassment, let me tell you what I want.
I want people to drive like porn stars.
No, really. Like porn stars.
No. Not with their eyes closed, legs spread, and screaming "Stick it in my ass". (Pervert. I can't believe you said that.)
Seriously.
Stop laughing.
I want them to drive like professionals. It's a job. No one needs to get hurt. No one needs to be embarrassed. Damn it, we’ve got a job to do. We are all in this together. I'm not saying we can't enjoy it and take our time. Sometimes we need to slow down and take out time. Sometimes we need to go fast. But let’s drive with some finesse. Lets drive with some courtesy, some pizzazz! Think of your partner before yourself, and think of how much happier we will all be. Instead of arriving at work full of impotent rage to quietly take out on our co-workers, everyone will be happy and civil - maybe a little sleepy - but happy and civil.
We have our mission. Drive like porn stars. Get to it.
These people drive like teenagers exploring sex for the first time. There are a lot of fumbling, tentative, awkward movements, and lots of accidents, (some one saying "you are on my hair") and everyone is making mistakes. Sometimes it hurts. Someone is getting angry. No one is having any fun. They just want to go faster and get it over with.
That is my morning commute. Everyone is so impatient. There is no finesse to how everyone drives. Everyone is just thinking of themselves. Just a lot of grabbing and twisting, trying to cram large objects into spaces that are just way too small (come to think of it - maybe it isn't so different from adult sex...)
ANYWAY. Back to my analogy.
Instead of having to deal with inexperience and maybe some embarrassment, let me tell you what I want.
I want people to drive like porn stars.
No, really. Like porn stars.
No. Not with their eyes closed, legs spread, and screaming "Stick it in my ass". (Pervert. I can't believe you said that.)
Seriously.
Stop laughing.
I want them to drive like professionals. It's a job. No one needs to get hurt. No one needs to be embarrassed. Damn it, we’ve got a job to do. We are all in this together. I'm not saying we can't enjoy it and take our time. Sometimes we need to slow down and take out time. Sometimes we need to go fast. But let’s drive with some finesse. Lets drive with some courtesy, some pizzazz! Think of your partner before yourself, and think of how much happier we will all be. Instead of arriving at work full of impotent rage to quietly take out on our co-workers, everyone will be happy and civil - maybe a little sleepy - but happy and civil.
We have our mission. Drive like porn stars. Get to it.
posted by depressoboy at 4:58 PM
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