Dispatches from Nowhere 01.19.06

Just a warning, this might be really crass.

First, I read an article that says "Americans are now more accepting of fat people" (and then goes on to state that it is likely because we are all fat). Next on the agenda was an article talking about the seeming prevalence of anal sex among heterosexual couples and even more so among teenagers.

Wait a second there cowboy. The other day you mentioned wanting to read a book by an ex-sexworker and today you are talking about changing beauty standards and anal sex. We know what is really going on. You are a closet perv aren't you?

Damn it. You have me pegged. Aaaaaannnnddddd (cue reference to funny movie) You know how I know you are gay?

OK, enough of that.

Are beauty standards changing? I hope FASHION is changing. I hadn't really noticed a back lash against curvy women, but then I am widely known as being fairly oblivious to what constitutes "beauty" in American culture. "Beauty" is such a weird ass concept anyway. I mean, take any two people and they will disagree as to what constitutes beauty. Hell, I disagree with myself on a regular basis. Angelina Jolie or Stacy London?
Uma Thurman or Wynona Ryder? Johnny Depp or Ethan Hawke?

Wait.....

ANYWAY.

I can't tell you how a woman or man should be to meet some impossible standard of "Beauty". What I do know is that healthy is attractive. Spirit is attractive, intelligence is attractive. Strength is attractive. Self assuredness is attractive. Knowing that you can age gracefully and not cling to a youth that you no longer have is attractive.

In a completely unrelated tangent, is it 40 virgins that martyrs are promised? What the hell? Who wants 40 virgins? Dude those guys are totally getting the short end of the stick there.

Anyway, to sum up - fuck physical beauty standards. Be strong and healthy and whole. That is beauty.

So, tell me why I’m wrong. You know, I am a man. I am used to society telling me I am worthless.

Now the anal sex.

Apparently the Washington post said that oral sex is up among teenagers?

Really?

Isn't that like, old news? I think they were saying the same thing when I was in High School.

Slate had a different take on it. They criticized the media for being unwilling (or unable) to express some sort of moral opinion on the subject of their kids possibly doing the deed, instead article chides the media for hiding behind statistics of health risk.

OK. I admit that I have mixed feelings on sex ed. I think it is the parent's place to educate their children, with the state as a fall back. (I have some other opinions on sex ed programs and why the church should be involved, but no one wants to hear those.) I don't think the state has the "right" to educate my children on what they see fit. I should be allowed to opt my children out of sex ed. BUT (and there is always a but) I firmly believe that if you are unwilling to let the state teach your children about sex, you have an obligation to discuss it openly and frankly with them. Sending them in to the world with out that knowledge is stupid and dangerous.

If you can't talk about oral, anal, vaginal, masturbation, male and female genetalia, pubic hair, menstruation, (insert topic here) and deal with any question that your child comes up with, sign the form and let them be educated. I vote grow up and take responsibility for raising your children. If that means you sign the form, then sign the form.

Ok, enough standing on my soap box, back to the anal.

As the author points out, in the new study from the CDC, the percentages of males and females reporting consensual anal sex effectively doubled in the last ten years. (I’m paraphrasing - probably poorly). Any why is this important? Consenting adults are free to make their own choices. I agree. Absolutely.

When I was young, we talked about oral as the sure fire way to "have sex" and not get pregnant. Oral has a low rate of transmission of HIV. (I think the transmission rate is 1 per 10000 acts.) Unless you are built VERY wrong, it has a low chance of pregnancy. Vaginal intercourse, of course has a higher pregnancy risk, and the HIV transmission rate is 10 per 10000 acts. Anal intercourse again, lowers pregnancy risk, but the HIV transmission rate is 50 per 10000 acts.

Don't you think that maybe, just maybe, people need to know this?

I know. I’m so frank about it. Mom was a nurse. She taught Sex-ed. I've heard all this for years. I told my friends. Some of them even asked my mom questions. She is cool like that.

Maybe I'm preaching to the choir, (shocking I know) but sometimes it bears repeating. I don't think our cultural taboos on discussing sex and the human body is healthy. When I was young, the taboo was Oral Sex. No one talked about it and now that we are, it is assumed that everyone is doing it -"It is an Epidemic!" Nope. Sorry. Please try again later. The numbers don't support the weight of that supposition. As the survey report notes (data) "suggests that there was little or no change (accounting for sampling error) in the proportion of males 15-19 who had ever had heterosexual oral or anal sex between 1995 and 2002." and as the author of the slate piece nicely points out - "The more interesting numbers are in the next age bracket up—and the next orifice down."

As usual, we are behind the times. Now we are talking about oral sex and the potential dangers it has. Good. I'm glad that we have matured enough that we can talk openly about oral sex. Maybe we should go one step further and not focus on one act. Instead, maybe we should focus on the whole picture. You know, the one that doesn’t make us ashamed to talk about sex and sexuality as dirty thing.

Maybe, just maybe, if we arm our emerging adults with the knowledge they need to protect themselves before they go off to college (you know – the sexual experimentation years), we might find a way to actually save everyone a lot of pain.