Dispatches from Nowhere 03.03.06

I love language. I love the beauty of it. I like how a well-written word can transport the reader to a new world, or how it can impart a new understanding, or simply leave you breathless.

However, loving words means understanding their dark side.

Words hurt.

Sometimes our words need to hurt. There are times that the words we say must be hard. Sometimes we have to say the things that no one wants to hear. Sometimes, the words are uncomfortable and cause the people listening to turn away. Does that mean we have to be initially harsh in choosing our words? Of course not. We still claim to be a civil society.

One of the interesting things about learning a new language is the deeper understanding of the impact words can have. How you translate a particular character or word can change the tone and meaning of an entire passage. A simple mistranslation can incite riots, cause a fatwa to be pronounced, or create an international incident. By not being careful with what we say or how we choose to say it can be the cause of a fight between lovers, end a friendship, or be the cause for termination from a job. Misspoken words, intentional or otherwise, can damage a child, a spouse, or another loved one. The wrong words from a teacher can destroy any self-confidence a student might have in their own abilities.

Language is our most powerful tool. With it we can spin a story, one that speaks to each generation. To borrow a turn of phrase from Dave Eggars, we can create “a heartbreaking work of staggering genius”.

Or,

We can destroy a child, our own or someone else’s.

Every time I get mad, I catch myself yelling. The more I catch myself, the more I try and stop the impulse to yell. The more I try, the better it gets. It takes work. I have to remember that my words can hurt or heal. I have to remember that every word I speak shapes the future and how much I want that future to be bright.

Dispatches from Nowhere 03.01.06

I think it was C.S. Lewis that wrote that pain is God's megaphone.

For the record, I do not believe he was talking about an impacted wisdom tooth. That being said, pain does have a magnificent focusing effect. For example, the more my jaw hurts, the more detailed my work becomes. The more detailed the work is, the less I pay attention to the muscles that are clenching my jaw shut.

I get more done when focused like this. I write more. I work more. I do more. I do all of this because it distracts me from the pain. Maybe I am just looking to get through the physical pain that is bringing tears to my eyes.

But, that really isn't the point. I‘m thinking about something more. The pain we feel as we are reshaped by everyday events, the pain that represents the scouring away of the unnecessary parts of our being, is a necessary pain.

Pain isn’t a bad thing, contrary to what we might want to believe. Someone tells me that pain is not part of growing. The ads tell me that my pain is not normal, that I am not normal and I should find new ways to kill the pain. I’m not talking about pills, not directly anyway. I’m not saying don’t take painkillers. I’m not saying don’t manage chronic pain. I am saying that I want to know what it is causing the pain.

I want to know and remember the underlying cause, because without that knowledge, we would not know how to distinguish between what is good or bad.

Maybe I should not call it pain. Maybe I am talking about a winnowing of the soul. Maybe it is a need to do something more than just sit and watch. I register it as pain because to me, change is painful. Change breaks my routines and shakes me out of my comfort zones. It makes me act in ways that I find unpleasant.

I don’t want to change. Left to my own devices, I would sit and pursue my own pleasures, my own desires. Not all of my desires are negative. But left unchecked they will consume me. There is more to me than just my animal desires. I want to grow to be more than I am.

If we are not growing, we are dying. A stasis position can only be held for a short period of time. Everyday we are faced with a choice. As we wither our minds, our bodies, and our souls, we make a choice. We can choose the embrace the change and accept the pain that is inherent to it, or we can choose to die.